How an Internet Marketer convinces their child to go to school/day care/park

Lately I've taken to subscribing to many newsletters and the "free" programs being offered by internet marketers - think Frank Kern, Yanik Silver et al. - and people like Aaron Wall and Shoemoney and that Brian fellow over at Copyblogger.

If you, like me, receive some of these emails, you may have noticed how their sales methods have taken the typical long web page sales pitch and turned it on its side. They've spliced it into emails and videos and feed that info to us in a much more interactive and entertaining manner then the long winded sales pages of old.

So this morning while trying to convince my 21 month old son to go to the park (that's right, to convince him to go to the park) I found that the usual things were not working. That is when it hit me.

Parental persuasion ala Frank Kern

Please note that I have not met nor do I know Frank Kern, and I am only singling him out because his name stuck with me. I suppose this parody below could be recognizable to Jeff Walker's children as well. One last note, I have found the free info they give away as they get you to the offer/pitch/monthly service to be quite valuable.

• Dad: Hey son, want to go to the park with your favorite car and play on the swings?
• Son: No!
• Dad: Oh, did I mention that I found some extra strawberries, your favorite fruit? I figured you would want them and washed some for you. Want to go to the park with your favorite car and play on the swings and have some strawberries?
• Son: My car...? No!
• Dad: We can take the little soccer ball and some balloons. We know you like balloons so we bought some extras last night. Want to go to the park with your favorite car and play on the swings, with the ball and the balloons and have some strawberries? You don't have to do anything, just have fun!
• Son: Balloons...? Where's my car? No!
• Dad: Hey listen. Its 8:00, the street cleaner will pass soon. If we go now we can also see the street cleaner! You love the street cleaner and if we don't go now who knows when he will pass again.. Maybe never! Want to go downstairs and see the street cleaner, then go to the park with your favorite car and play on the swings, with the ball and the balloons and have some strawberries?
• Son: Street cleaner...? Balloons...? Where's my car? Hmm... (asks for shoes, walks over to the car...) No!
• Dad: Listen. If we go down now, we can stop at the bakery. I'll order an espresso (you love the noise from the espresso machine!) and get you some toast and jam (I'll pay; you get this fre.e!) and we can sit at a table outside and watch the street cleaner. Then we can go to the park with your favorite car and play on the swings, with the ball and the balloons and have some strawberries? And one last BONUS: we can stop at the fountain and throw in some rocks!!
  Look, if you don't have fun doing this, later I will take you to the pool.
  YOU CAN"T LOSE!!
• Son: (getting up on the car...) Yes! Lets do it! (makes some vroom vroom noises with the car).

Father and son head down the elevator out to the bakery. Son demands the water fountain in the park so we head straight there, where strawberries are eaten and some rocks thrown in. Then he says "casa" (hey, we live in Spain) and demands to go home. We stop to watch the street cleaner pass by and head home, not having visited the swings, played with the balloon or balls or had breakfast at the bakery.

(Okay, so in the end I also pick on we folks who buy these things - be they live the internet lifestyle products or self-help books - and don't implement them to the fullest :)